Kristen Grossman Prose

A dear one texted me this morning asking why I haven’t posted in a while. The short answer is that words have been slow in coming. My goal of putting pen to paper (or tapping away on my laptop) has mostly been met by journaling and answering workbook questions in my Bible study rather than writing blog posts or articles. (I still love my new pens!)

Reading

While I have not been writing as much as I hoped, I have been doing a lot of reading. I am currently reading three books that each speak so much truth to my soul. They are, The Forgotten God by Francis Chan; Meant for Good by Megan Fate Marshman; and The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: How to Stay Emotionally Healthy and Spiritually Alive in the Chaos of the Modern World by John Mark Comer. (And, yes, it turns out I can be trapped in my house and still pulled into the hurry and rush of the modern world!)

Praying

Through reading, Bible study, and prayer, my faith has been growing deeper, my dependence on God has been growing stronger, and my understanding of and longing for the Holy Spirit has been growing fuller. However, for me, as for the rest of the world, this is still a confusing and painful season. My husband is working too much–at home at his desk–and I have real concerns for his physical and mental health. I usually see my parents three times a year. Now, it has been 13 months since I have seen them in person and my heart aches. None of us is growing any younger, and I have concerns about missing out on time with my mom and dad. Our college/grad school children are still obtaining their educations virtually, and this is a struggle. The mental toll of isolation, particularly on our children and my grandmother, weighs heavily on my mind.

I have utter faith that God is in control. I know His plans for me and for my loved ones are ultimately better than any I could dream up. In the meantime, in the everyday living of life among the challenges and questions, it is still painful. My heart aches. Some days, depression takes over and I can barely put one foot in front of the other. So, I sit in my living room–where our comforting Christmas tree still stands–pull up a crackling fire on the television, cue up piano hymns on the speakers, and read, journal, and pray.

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Joy

You may remember that my motto for 2021 is joy. I am working at remembering to look for the joy. For example, I don’t enjoy cooking. But I am finding joy in looking for delicious, healthy recipes to prepare for the two family members who are still at home with me. Also, a couple weeks ago I was cranky and frustrated while working on an outdoor DIY project with Bill. I was so grateful when the Holy Spirit—it had to be the Holy Spirit because my mind was definitely not on joy—reminded me to notice the joy. I was able to turn my mind toward gratitude for this shared project, for being able to work alongside my high school sweetheart, for enjoying sunshine and 60-degree weather in the middle of January. There is joy all around me. (Full disclosure: a week later I was even more cranky when we had to fix our sump pump. My attitude is definitely a work in progress!)

If you are reading this, I would love to know how you are doing. Are you struggling? Are you finding joy? What gets you through the moments when you think you can’t carry on? And how can I be praying for you?

Dear Lord, life is hard. We never dreamed we would be living this strange pandemic lifestyle nearly a year after it began. We know you never promised life would be easy. However, you did promise that you would be beside us. Help us to keep our eyes on you. Help us to keep our faith in you and your great plan. Help us to remember that you work all things for good, even when we can’t see the good. Thank you for the joy that we can find, even amidst the hard things. We love you. Amen.