Kristen Grossman Prose

“Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” James 4:13-15 NIV

In my pre-pandemic life, I would occasionally tack on a “Lord willing” when stating my future plans. “Lord willing, we will go home for Thanksgiving next year.” Or, “All our kids will be in the same state once the eldest graduates, Lord willing.” To be honest, I probably didn’t even mean it; I was just trying to avoid the rest of the passage, where James goes on to say that claiming to know what is ahead is arrogant boasting. (James 4:16) I didn’t want to boast.

However, I fully believed that the Lord was willing for these good things to happen!

While I still believe the Lord has excellent and beautiful plans in mind for those who love Him, I am less likely to predict that the plans I have laid out are the plans that will come to fruition.

The inability to plan is wreaking havoc with my desire to have the future mapped out, pre-planned, and documented in black and white with little boxes to check off as I go. My thoughts may sound something like, “Yes, God, I know You hold my future in Your very capable hands. But surely, You want to give me my assignment and then allow me to fill in my calendar, my daily planner, and my to-do lists. I’ll even use pencil!”

As our school district struggles to come up with a reopening plan that will provide a rigorous education for students while keeping down their risk of infection, I find myself waffling on whether to bring our 10^th grader back home for another year of homeschooling. There is no doubt in my mind that home learning using curricula designed for remote learning would provide a superior education and more stability than that offered by a school district trying to please parents’ many, very vocal demands.

However, there are other factors to consider.

I am perpetually reminding myself that I don’t need to know what fall looks like right now. The flexibility we gained through 16 years of homeschooling means that decision could be made at the very last minute, or, when and if the plan put in place by our school district does not work for us.

So, I sigh and set my planner aside.

Lord, I say that I trust in Your plan for my life. I profess to know that none of my plans will come to be without Your grace and provision. Please help me to live out that trust and faith. Help me set aside my colored pencils, calendar, and planning mentality and soak up the peace that comes from knowing You are in control. Amen.

Are you struggling with not knowing what the future holds? Are you feeling thwarted by the inability to lay solid plans for next week, next month, or next year? How do you find peace when the weight of an unknown future begins to feel heavy on your shoulders?